I'm Not, But I Should Be
by fananicfan
Summary: A missing scene piece, so it's short, about Harm’s thoughts while he waits for Renee to arrive at the hospital to take him to his apartment in Adrift, Part II.


I'm Not, But I Should Be

FEBRUARY 2008 CHALLENGE

This isn't really a story, but a missing scene piece, so it's short.

Disclaimer: JAG and its characters are the property of Belisarius Productions, CBS and Paramount. No copyright infringement intended. Original characters, story ideas and story are the property of this author.

Scene Set Up - Harm's thoughts while he waits for Renee to arrive at the hospital to take him to his apartment in Adrift, Part II.

**I'm Not, But I Should Be**

I woke up not remembering parts of the last year. One part in particular that I'd forgotten is gnawing at my gut more than the rest – my relationship with Renee.

I can understand why my colleague and friend, Bud Roberts, making lieutenant might not be something that I'd remember. As he rises in rank, there's more of a possibility that one of us we be transferred out of HQ, and I've come to depend on him for a lot more than just research. He's my sounding board when Mac's away or unavailable for some reason – a reason like Brumby, for instance. Rank on Bud is also a sign of his growing independence and growth, not only as a naval officer, but as a lawyer. I can see why, in a weakened state, my mind didn't want him to be more than someone I'm mentoring.

Chloe was as I remembered her, only taller. Mic Brumby was a thorn in my side and, though I wouldn't wish the man ill will…why couldn't he just go away?

I remembered Mac and that I'd missed her wedding, but I didn't remember Renee. I've been involved with a woman for an entire year, she tells me, and I didn't remember her except for the fact that she'd directed a commercial for the Navy for which I was practically ordered to appear.

How could I remember something as painful as Mac's wedding day and not remember my girlfriend? I mean, a year-long relationship should mean that it's serious, right? I noticed that she wasn't wearing a ring, so I haven't asked her to marry me. I can't be sure, but something about the way she told me that she was my girlfriend says that I haven't told her that I love her, either. It seems pretty odd that I'd forget her if we'd been together that long if it was a mutual, loving relationship.

That's what's bothering me. How can I remember so much in detail about Mac? I remember the last case we worked together, the last time she was in my apartment when I made dinner for her, how she felt in my arms when we kissed at her engagement party. How can I remember all that when I'm not involved with Mac?

When Skates was here earlier, she asked if I'd had any revelations about my life in light of what had happened. Had I really taken inventory of what was important to me? I told her that I thought I had, but the more times the thought of Renee flutters through my mind, I have to wonder if I have. Is Renee the woman I want or am I just letting her fill in because Mic has Mac?

I'm not involved with Mac, so why wasn't I upset when Mac said that I hadn't missed the wedding because they'd postponed it? Why was I pleased when Mic didn't look like he had any say in putting off the wedding? I'm not a terrible person, and though I haven't seen eye to eye with Mic on much since he arrived, I want Mac to be happy.

I'm not involved with Mac, but I should be if I feel this way about her, right? Perhaps Skates was right. I need to reevaluate my life…the personal part, at least.

I need to put these thoughts away for now. Renee is going to be here any minute to give me a ride from the hospital to my apartment.

I feel badly for Renee. First, I don't remember our relationship, but I comment on Mic and Mac's wedding right in front of her, and now she's coming to take me home and, by all indicators, wants to take care of me while I finish my recovery. Yet, all the while, I'll be looking for ways to get time away from her to sort out my feelings for Mac.

"Hello, Harm, are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah, Renee, I'm all set."

THE END


End file.
